


Sonodaddy

by totaldile



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 03:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5612578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totaldile/pseuds/totaldile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>umi wears a fedora, kotori sleeps on the couch</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sonodaddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Sonodaddy  
> Pairings: KotoUmi  
> Words: 387  
> A/N: Written at 5am for the purposes of kinkshaming my good friend @sonodaddy of Tumblr. Utter crack.

As the dedicated and loving wife of quite possibly the most melodramatic girl in Muse, you’re used to a lot of things. You’ve pulled all-nighters playing Old Maid with Umi, you’ve comforted the girl after getting lost in New York that one time – thanks Honkers – you’ve even listened to Hanayo describe the time Umi almost murdered her after she was caught pretending to be an idol on stage.

Yes, you’re used to expecting the ridiculous, and in all honesty, who could blame you? It isn’t like Umi’s changed since her high school days. However, she’s your wife, and you’d quite like to keep things that way. She’s probably the only person who’d tolerate your kinks, anyway.

“Call me…Sonodaddy…”

Well.

You can definitely say, in all honesty, that upon arriving at your, you did not expect to see your wife dressed in a button-up shirt, staring at the floor, and tipping a fedora at you. There’s a dark glint in her eye that you’re pretty sure is meant to scream ‘class’ but instead just looks really, really desperate. You’re not exactly sure why she’s desperate – you _are_ married, after all, but perhaps she’s in the mood.

However, there are some kinks that even you have to shame.

“Umi-chan, I want a divorce.”

Umi steps back melodramatically – of course, it’s Umi – and places a hand over her heart, in what you’re roughly 60% sure is an attempt to look hurt, but instead just looks seedy. You didn’t really think Umi could be seedy simply because of her personality, but considering she’s wearing a fedora and is trying to play up a daddy kink you think you’re ready to accept new things.

“M’lady, please, I’m a nice girl, don’t be like that,” Umi says, and it takes all your effort not to walk out the door right then and there. “If I tip my fedora like Nico said will you come back to me?”

“No, Umi-chan,” you say, deadpan. There’s really no need for other words here. You’re pretty sure Nozomi and Eli have a spare couch you can sleep on tonight, if you don’t mind falling asleep to the sound of vivacious orgasm.

Before you shut the door behind you, however, you see Umi lower her fedora over her eyes and hunch her shoulders.

“Ah,” she says, “Friendzoned again.”


	2. Sonodaddy 2: The Kinkquel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Sonodaddy 2: The Kinkquel  
> Pairings: KotoUmi  
> Words: 379  
> A/N: A sequel piece to continue kinkshaming @sonodaddy when the first was not enough. Absolute crack.

You hear a rock on your window – except that’s not right, because you’re sitting on Nozomi and Eli’s couch, trying to pretend you don’t hear one of them moaning and the bed rocking. It’s not like they’re trying to be quiet, but hey, it’s a couch to sleep on.

You opt to stand up and check it out, because even though it’s 2am who knows, maybe –

You really, really hate it when you’re right.

“M’lady, shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” she says, and oh god she’s dressed in a Lute Suit like that one episode from Adventure Time – Eli made you watch it one time and you have to admit that despite other faults such as moaning really loudly whilst you’re having this internal monologue she has excellent taste in tv shows – but oh god where did Umi even _get_ that and why is she reciting Shakespeare? You shake your head. You’re a good fucking person, you don’t deserve this.

“Umi-chan, it’s 2am, go home,” you call, about to close the damned window until – oh god no – she starts strumming on the Lute. She’s still wearing the fedora, you realise, as she tips it, whilst strumming. Of course, you think – what else could make this any better?

“But, m’lady,” Umi calls, strumming and singing alongside her lute – since when did she own a lute? Where did she get it? Where did she get the Lute Suit? You think you might have to have a very nice talk with Nico, and of course by nice you mean pinning her to the wall until she stops filling your wife’s head with the most repulsive seduction techniques you’ve seen since that one time Umi tried to – well. “I couldn’t possibly leave you alone tonight, after all, it’s cold outside.”

Umi strums on the lute again, and tips the fedora, again. She dances on the spot, for emphasis, presumably. Maybe she’s just cold.

“It is cold outside, Umi-chan. Too bad you’re the one outside. Tell Nico I need to have a talk with her,” you say, staring blankly at your former wife. You’ll have to fill in those divorce papers tomorrow, probably.

Right before you close the window, you hear her speak again.

“Oy vey,” she says, “Friendzoned yet again.”


End file.
